Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
