i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Two words: blizzard sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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