I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
