You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
