1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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