i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
