Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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