i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
