D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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