Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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