The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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