we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
