it was like his penis was on wheels.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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