Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
