i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
