like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
