ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
