the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
