I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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