You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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