I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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