You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize