I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
