i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
