i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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