Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
