hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
