What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
