do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
