All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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