she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
