What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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