The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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