So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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