TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
