So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
