Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
