I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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