Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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