Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
