I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
