I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
