she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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