Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
