is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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