So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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