dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize