If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
