just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
