she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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