there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
