She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
