You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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