The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
