Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
