she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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