if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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