My nipple is on Facebook.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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