You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
