I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
