Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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