I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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