I want to stick my p in your. b.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
