while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
