so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize