I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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