this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize