the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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