So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
MIDGETS
????
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
