hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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