K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
