Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize