This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
